March 31st, 2006

I Love You Grandma

Yesterday and up to 1:30 A.M. this morning, my grandma's situation has worsened. Her heart rate is in the 100s and her blood pressure is in the 90s. Her hands and feet feel are cold and she no longer moves her arm, mouth, or eyes. Her breathing has increased showing that she is struggling to breathe. Her living will requested that she does not want to live on life support if her brain is not functioning. A meeting was held between her doctors and her children earlier this week to make the decision to take her off life support. Yesterday, family members could read three letters she wrote found behind the botsudan for my grandpa in their house, which is a display that has a picture of my grandpa where loved ones can pray to him. These letters reinforced her wishes. One of her letters that was not dated described how she wanted her funeral. Her other two letters were written in 1999 and 2004. These two letters explained that she did not want to live on tubes if her brain is dead. She mentioned how she has lived a full life and that she appreciated being surrounded by a loving family. She told us to live healthy and be happy. Every letter ended with her saying "be happy." The family decided yesterday to take her off life support today at 11:00 A.M. My sister Mia and Lara flew in from the mainland yesterday and as a family we talked to her. I told her I loved her and mentioned how I appreciated her. I also told her of the things I will do. I'll write more later because I have to get ready to go to to the hospital to see her. Being that she is my last grandparent, I didn't realize how sad and scared I would be since I seemed a lot stronger when my other three grandparents died. I love her a lot.